One lady asked how could she tell when her grieving pain was possibly reducing.
She wanted to try and recognise that she was making some progress along her own, personal grief journey. But what did it feel like as the pain from one’s loss reduced during the months and years following a bereavement?
She couldn’t imagine a different type of feeling.
Well this is how one of our volunteers described how she helped her clients to cope with this question.
Take a smooth stone/ beach pebble about the size of an egg in one hand, and then in the other hand, a rough edged stone about the same size.
Now close your hands and squeeze both of them tightly in the palm of each hand.
Try and feel what each hand is feeling like – the hand with the rough edged stone in it will be more uncomfortable than the one with the smooth stone. It will hurt a bit more if you are squeezing your hands quite tightly. The grief you experience in the early stages also tends to hurt more, it’s very raw following your loss.
Your other hand, with the smooth stone, won’t be so uncomfortable because it doesn’t have rough edges – so this hand hurts less than the other
So as the months and then years pass by, the pain will gradually reduce and will become less raw. It just doesn’t hurt quite so much as ‘…..you get on with your life…..’ and keep busy, take a holiday, join a club etc.
Hopefully this description and your own imagination will help you to realise that as time passes, the hurt from your loss will gradually reduce as you just get more used to the fact that your loved one has in fact died. It’s a feeling of more acceptance and that your life has changed.
But never forget your memories………