Changing Things in the Family Home

When do you start to change things and why bother? What are you going change and maybe why are you considering doing anything anyway? Well basically, it’s because you have decided to move forward and you’re trying to get on with your life. This is a natural process and is really positive for you.

One man described how he wanted to move back into the bedroom previously shared with his wife. She had been ill for a few years and needed additional space for her disturbed sleeping pattern. Her husband felt guilty because he wanted to move into ‘her room’, change the décor and install a new carpet. In other words he wanted to make it ‘his own space’. However, he managed to overcome his ‘emotional guilt’ and realised his feelings were irrational. The room was re-decorated, new carpet installed and new bedding purchased.

It was then he realised he had made a positive and correct decision and one which helped him move forward.

Similarly, a widow wanted to ‘claim back’ the garden shed her late husband had filled with ‘bloke junk’ e.g. things he thought just might become useful one day. So she experienced similar emotions and guilt thoughts as the gentleman above. The useful items were kept and the ‘bloke junk’ was dumped. She realised that if he had been able, he probably would have undertaken the clear-out himself, but he couldn’t. So, she was able to move forward, while shedding some tears, as really old useless items were dumped. She felt it was a healthy process which really helped her with her grief and emotions.

Taking down pictures of a loved one is another emotional roller coaster. Not necessarily taking down all pictures, just a selection. When someone dies people often put up many pictures around the house to remind them of their loved one. Some people can’t look at pictures at all, but I’ll cover that elsewhere. Again, there comes a time when you want, or need to change things. Maybe take some of the pictures down to store in a memory box.

But then the emotional and guilt thoughts kick in, “How can I be considering taking down that picture?” She/he has only been gone less than a year. However, the drive, the need, the desire for this type of action is actually really positive when you are coming to terms with your loss. Other pictures will probably remain in place, or be put in a new location. It’s just that your home is now your area and you can change things to meet your needs.